


❝I fxxking love you❞

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, M/M, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21883663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It didn't have to be obvious that donghyuck had loved renjun from the start.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 17
Kudos: 26





	1. the heartbreak

Dark eyes followed the pair's movements and soon became glassy, heart aching in fear and realisation. A shaky finger continued to tap the other's shoulder while the lips quivered, hesitant to word the thoughts out. Though they had to be let out, as donghyuck`s attention was all on him, waiting for what renjun wanted to say.

❝Something's up with jaemin and jisung.❞

❝I can see that.❞ Donghyuck replied with a tone renjun was afraid to question. 

The youngest of their social circle sat on jaemin`s lap, while the older fed him all sorts of sweets and salty snacks all of them had bought for that hang out. 

Though the event developed into renjun and donghyuck staring at the pair while jeno, mark, yukhei and chenle were busy being loud, aka screaming at the scenes of the horror movie that weren't even scary, or yelling over each other to narrate the film which concluded them all to laugh as loud as possible, Mark's giggles being the ones to shine out the most.

If it weren't obvious already, both renjun and hyuck had a thing for their fellow `00 liner, but neither of them ever admitted it or spoke aloud. The pair were quite stupid as well, they never noticed how they both pined for jaemin whenever they happened to be together. Yet who wouldn't be blinded by love when their crush smiled so sweetly that it almost brainwashed them, or how softly he held their hands while he wanted to prove a point, as well as the times jaemin hugged them from behind and sniffed their necks, yet all they could feel was the plush lips against their bare skin. It was enticing, the whole process of daydreaming, hopeless wishes and prayers as well as being treated like a porcelain doll by the person they'd give everything to be with.

And surely both hearts broke when the blonde gently held jisung by his jaw and let their lips touch. The white pearled smile jisung let out on exhibit to jaemin was seen by both males sitting opposite by the couple, and it destroyed their innocent hearts to the fullest, making the pieces fall into the depths of the earth that even the deaf could have heard cling against the earth's walls, making them sound like broken glass. 

But surely jisung and jaemin had no sense of anything, they were in their own little world the bubble of admiration separating them from the rest. The last thing they would notice was how renjun tried his best to hold in his tears or how donghyuck forced himself to watch the movie and engage in the others` conversation, while clearly being out of it.

❝They're together.❞ some point in the night renjun managed to whisper, if he would have spoken any louder his voice would have cracked and unwanted attention would have been set on him, so he tried to keep his voice as hush as possible. Yet hyuck noticed, and he soon understood that he wasn't the only delusional that thought that jaemin was his prince he desired to be with, yet surely he was Ariel, the mermaid with a tail and no way to approach the one who already has someone, and that someone with feet. There would have been no point to exchange his voice for feet, as he had no chance at all. Hyuck just became seafoam, and so did renjun. 

❝Hey, yukhei said he's fine walking you home, renjun.❞ Donghyuck talked to renjun the first time after the shocking sight. He actually wasn't sure how to approach the other, because he really didn't want renjun to cry while they were still at chenle`s where anyone could see and most likely question the sight.

So Hyuck had especially asked the chinese to guide renjun home, since he's the best at making people feel better and renjun certainly was at his weakest point. After what they both saw, the ravenette hadn't spoken to anyone, which yukhei also had noticed and agreed straight away when hyuck had asked him the favour.

Renjun being one of the most sensitive in their friend group definitely needed some extra care, even if it was just a simple gesture of giving him the first slice of pizza or petting his knee. Silent love, as Mark had said, and he and renjun were surely the ones the best at speaking it, as well as understanding. 

Even though donghyuck felt drained as well, he didn't miss a beat of showing love silently. He was around renjun the whole night, hell, he would have even walked him home, but he and renjun lived in the opposite directions, so that would have been too much, but asking an almost six feet scary looking yukhei, who on top of that has a heart as big as his hands, such a favour was as good as sending renjun home himself.

❝okay,❞ renjun said softly, while he struggled to find his jacket`s sleevehole with his arm, but when he did find it and managed to get his arm through the sleeve he bowed a little, hugged donghyuck tightly and whispered like he did when he was about to cry, ❝thank you.❞

Donghyuck wasn't sure why his heart started to race like its life depended on it, but when renjun pulled away and accepted yukhei`s hand that begged to be held, hyuck regretted that he didn't walk the older home instead, even if they lived so far apart.

Donghyuck unfortunately was stuck with jaemin and jisung. The younger who apparently was staying over at the blonde`s that night. Jisung also lived far away from all of them, so it was self-explanatory, though now that it was official that they were dating, it just felt bitter. Hyuck didn't show gratitude or any sign or welcomeness when it came to the couple, he just minded his own business. He didn't even show that it bothered him that jaemin nor jisung said anything about it before, he also didn't give them a hint that he felt hurt by jaemin not being vacant. 

Though now that hyuck thought about it, what bothered him the most was that they almost made renjun cry, the fragile hearted had to force in his tears and emotions the whole night to not make everyone else worried, or to make the couple feel burdened. Donghyuck would have said something about it, and he actually almost did when chenle teased jisung about being the one who probably asks if jaemin could kiss him, not being the one to kiss the other first. It all just made donghyuck feel everything at once and it upset him. The whole jaemin and jisung case caused him a sensory overload, and now having to walk next to the that were pair holding hands was a burden itself.

❝you and renjun were awfully quiet tonight. Did you have a fight or something?❞ jaemin started to speak, obviously being bothered by the silence that was unusual for donghyuck to hold.

The said boy turned back on his heels to face the couple with brows tied together and lips pressed into a thin line. ❝I don't know, maybe take other's feelings into consideration at times?❞

❝what is that suppose to mean?❞

❝you didn't tell us anything, and we just had to see you suck each other's faces off on chenle`s bedroom couch to figure out what was going on between you two. I thought friends didn't keep secrets?❞

Jaemin was taken aback at that. Friends really didn't keep secrets to themselves, especially when the case was somewhat out of the ordinary. No one had expected jaemin and jisung to date, jaemin had always treated the younger as his own child so at first thought it just seemed weird as well as wrong. Though at the end it came off as a way to hide their romantic affection. Turns out that the two had been dating since the end of the summer, and it was almost November, everyone felt betrayed at that. Well, not chenle, he had known that since the beginning, jisung couldn't keep it a secret from his best friend, but it surprised everyone how the other managed to keep his mouth shut the whole time.

❝you two are still stuck on that?❞ jaemin regretted saying that right after he ended his sentence, donghyuck won't be taking the words well and what comes will be the bitter truth the latter didn't even consider.

❝well sorry, not everyone can accept things so easy.❞ that was all donghyuck said before he he sped up his pace and left the couple standing under the streetlight, not giving a flying fuck how they'll get home, or what their friendship is going to be after that. He just wanted some time for himself, to be alone and do what renjun forced to keep in the whole night at chenle`s.

Donghyuck opened and closed his bedroom door with force. He threw his bag onto the floor and he himself fell on his bed, tears mercilessly wetting the blanket. He punched his pillows, let a sound close to a scream erupt from his throat and let the snot and tears become one. 

The pain was unbearable. He felt like dying. Everything bothered him, the dim light in his room, his clothes that either stuck to his skin or loosely hung over his shoulders. Even his hair became a burden, and the unexplainable overflowing negativity in his chest. Hyuck just wanted yell, kick and punch everything he came across, yet all he was able to do was lay on his bed face first while his knuckles turned white from clenching the blanket in his palm.

Perhaps it was the emptiness and the reminder that everything now was meaningless that made him feel such anger, as it obviously symbolised denial he was in, or hyuck`s heart was just broken. 

But the emotions and unrequited love were still beautiful. The memory of such a fulfilling feeling that was falling in love with na jaemin was enough to calm down the madness that bloomed in him. Hyuck couldn't imagine what renjun must have gone through. If he was as helpless like that, how broken would the other be? Would he even show his face the next few days or he'd depressingly spend the time under the blankets while listening to Bach`s piano pieces or any magical violin piece that would make his mind drift to somewhere else?

❝hyuckie, you all right?❞

The words sounded so distant that they almost skipped over his ears, but as his mind got clearer by the sudden source of noise, donghyuck became aware of another person in the room who happened to sit next to his limp body.

The long fingers brushed through hyuck`s locks and he knew who had interrupted his pity party instantly. Only johnny comforted him like that, only johnny was able to understand his complicated personality and all the fits that came with it. Even though donghyuck appreciated the care, and oh how he loved to be pet like that, he didn't want his brother to see him in such a vulnerable state. He wasn't a child anymore, what he was feeling and acting like wasn't acceptable in such matter. To Johnny he would surely just seem as a brat.

❝go fuck doyoung or something.❞ hyuck mumbled, though his words were already muffled by the blanket that his face was pressed into.

Johnny only chuckled and kept playing with his brother's hair, also making sure to caress the other's cheek a little.

❝ I could hear you walking from the outside of the house, your footsteps manage to explain more than your words at times. Did something happen at the hangout?❞

❝no. Now leave me alone, there's no point talking about something that didn't happen.❞

But johnny didn't leave, instead he stood up from the bed and wrapped his arms around the small body, bringing donghyuck to his room like a baby. And even though the lights around the house mainly came from their bedrooms, johnny saw hyuck`s face as clear as in daylight, it was enough to make Johnny's heart ache. His brother hadn't cried in such a long time, and now when he was he denied his unhappiness and wanted to be left alone instead of being shown affection and care he in no doubt deserved. 

Johnny led them both onto his bed, where doyoung also was sitting quietly while reading a book. He now had his eyes moved onto his boyfriend who was trying to set down his brother onto the soft mattress. It was probably the first time he had seen donghyuck like that, cradled in Johnny's arms like a baby, and face wet from tears and snot.

Hyuck had always seemed to him as a tough one, the type of person who'd never miss talking back when it came to his own opinions or rights, the type of person to tease others to infinity, the one to always brighten up conversations, but now he laid in middle of doyoung and johnny, both elders keeping the younger close, trying their best to show all affection as possible, although doyoung knew it was hard for hyuck to accept that kind of stuff from him as they've never been emotionally engaged in each other, and he didn't really know his boyfriend's younger brother that well either. Doyoung felt as if he interrupted a family bonding moment and was about to leave the bed until Johnny's tight grip on his arm kept him still.

❝he needs you too, even if you think you both aren't that close.❞

Those were the simple times when doyoung knew that he found the right one, yet it was the one time donghyuck was punched by reality that he'll never have anyone like that, he had lost na jaemin, the person he never even had a chance with in the first place. The one person that could have offered him the same security and a notice that he indeed was wanted.

❝that`s unfair.❞ donghyuck started with a cracked voice, and both doyoung and Johnny paid attention as if their lives depended on it. ❝jaemin has been dating jisung since summer, neither of them said anything until today. I didn't even stand a chance! Yet jaemin always acted so lovey-dovey with everyone. What kind of bullshit is that? He even had renjun wrapped around his finger.❞

Johnny knew everything about hyuck`s crushes ever since his brother started having them, it was something the younger couldn't keep to himself, he always had to tell johnny about it and the case of na jaemin was no exception. Even the older thought that this time donghyuck will have some luck, it all seemed really serious. At some point it wasn't even a silly crush but deep loving. And obviously because of that deep loving his hyuckie was now hurt, having his first ever heart break.

Doyoung was the first react when donghyuck`s sobs became vocal, he wrapped his arms around the petite body and wiped away the painful tears with his thumb. Johnny couldn't explain the expression on doyoung`s face as he was only able to watch as hyuck weeped


	2. the acknowledgement

As soon as yukhei gave renjun a reassuring smile and let go of his hand, the smaller slipped in the house through the small gap between the door and the wall. The older felt a pang in his heart, the sting lingering around longer than needed. 

The door closed fast as the other got in and yukhei was left alone, without a good-bye or any other word that would have reassured him to thinking that renjun was okay to some extent . He knew well that renjun was in his vulnerable state, but he wanted to be there for him, to comfort and make the other feel better, but all he could do was walk home and leave renjun by himself to be lulled by his feelings and hardships.

The latter even thought of going over at hyuck`s to ask what happened, but the burning look in his eyes during the night just would have made sense that donghyuck himself is probably having problems too. It was like an epidemic, two people struck by an overwhelming feeling that no one could figure out. It wouldn't surprise yukhei if tomorrow someone more would be upset about something. Perhaps that someone would be himself, mind covered by a blanket of worries, just like the ground and bare branches of trees as snow little by little started to layer on them. Under the streetlights the flakes glimmered and shined, making yukhei sigh from his own heavy heart.

Renjun pressed onto his chest with his hands slightly, trying to overcome the feeling of his guts climbing up through his throat and tears abruptly falling one by one, as if committing suicide, craving death by jumping down a height.

His mind clouded and uncertainty ate through him. Renjun truly was a fool to think that he ever had a chance with na jaemin, the one probably everyone liked, the one who treated everyone with so much thought and softness. To renjun, jaemin was a safe space, so safe that it has now become reality, that na jaemin was in fact his source of panic instead. 

Renjun has never felt so lost and helpless before. He really thought that he was dying. Air was hard to grasp and he couldn't see anything through his tears. Renjun`s legs gave up under him and he fell onto his side on the floor. The empty house echoed the thump, but he felt none of the pain he should have, physical at least. 

His whole body shivered, almost making it look like he was having a seizure while his limbs trembled and soft tapping noises were whispered back from the walls of the dark, empty house. Heat and cold waves came and went, the ill feeling in his stomach rose and renjun rushed to the bathroom, hurling nothing more than just air and spit.

The pain his heart and mind pumped in sync, poisoning his whole body, perhaps the tears were the overflowing toxins and acids. Yet how would have renjun known? All that he could have thought was how jaemin was so easy going, having a boyfriend he hid from everyone but kept on flirting with every other person on top of that. Renjun truly had been wrapped around the blonde boy's finger so tightly, many nights and days the chinese dreamed of scenarios of them being together on repeat. Why would have he slept if he could have thought of someone who owned all parts of his heart? To fantasise to feel a little more loved.

Around four in the morning donghyuck slipped out of his brother's embrace, saying that he needs to go to the bathroom. Instead he went to his room and put on a sweater on the warm side and headed outside. 

From the corner of the house hyuck took his bike and headed to the other side of the town. The light layer of snow on the pathways and roads made donghyuck curse under his breath as each time he took a turn or the road had a bump, the bike went out of control by how slippery it was. A few times he crashed into a pole or a building wall and he didn't hesitate to leave behind a string of swear words.

The lamplights kept the boy on the road sight wise. The traffic lights never looked so ominous before, all three colours shining through the falling snow and fog without blinking once. 

Though donghyuck didn't look around much, just paddled as fast as he was capable of so that he could get to renjun`s place soon. He simply just had to be there for renjun, just like johnny and doyoung were there for him.

Jumping off the bike hyuck started climbing up the house to renjun’s room's window that to his surprise was open. Perhaps renjun knew he'd come over? It wasn't the first time hyuck had done something like that, but renjun was sound asleep in his bed, many blankets covering his small body, and donghyuck tried his best not to coo. Instead, he sat on the bed and quietly watched the room in the dim light, hesitant to wake his friend up.

But when his gaze happened to rest on renjun again, he laid down as well, wrapping his arm around the other gently and petting his hair slowly, making sure that every strand of hair gets the attention they need.

Renjun`s head shifted, then did his whole body and turned to look at donghyuck, who watched with a frown on his face. Renjun`s eyes were seemingly puffy and his lips quivering, and soon his whole body started shaking and tears as pearls started falling once again. Hyuck didn't hesitate to bring the other closer and make their hearts touch.

Donghyuck was scared to say anything that might've accidentally triggered the other's panic attack further. So all he managed to do was whisper a silent melody of renjun`s favourite song. Although that seemed to calm the other down a bit, hyuck knew that there was something better that could be done.

❝renjun, are your parents or brother home?❞ he asked in a hushed voice in case if he spoke any louder that it would have startled renjun.

❝sich-sicheng should be.❞ he hiccuped through tears.

❝I`ll be right back, okay?❞

Although renjun nodded and gave his agreement, getting out of his embrace sure didn't feel like he wanted to let go of donghyuck. The small hands held on tight onto hyuck`s sweater just by the tip of his fingers. And when they became weak and let go, a whine slipped through renjun`s plush lips.

Donghyuck jumped off the bed and headed towards sicheng`s room, which to him was the scariest thing yet. Not even jumping off the garage roof onto Johnny's car was as scary, or that one time he got lost in the city he had never even been to.

Renjun`s older brother was either super nice or he could kill, there certainly didn't exist an in-between. Sicheng probably saw his younger brother in such a state and in hyuck`s mind there was no way that the older would be merciful, unless he manages to ask very nicely that it leaves sicheng no choice but to grant one's wish.

Donghyuck first knocked softly, but as no one showed up to the door, he began to knock a little louder, and oh did he regret that. 

Low mumbles in a language he did not speak were heard coming closer to where hyuck was, and not shortly after the door opened.

The taller male certainly didn't expect to see donghyuck at his door, although it made sense why his door was knocked at instead of the person just coming in and bothering his holy sleep, which renjun would have done.

❝isn't it a bit too late for you to be visiting?❞

Bitter, very bitter. Hyuck gave a half smile and answered: ❝never too late to help a friend out?❞

And that was all it took, because sicheng`s face softened and he didn't look so bothered anymore. ❝Alright. What do you want from me though?❞

❝are there any spare blankets and pillows? I want to make a pillow fort for renjun, maybe he would feel more comforted like that?❞

In all honesty donghyuck expected sicheng to close the door and go back to sleep, since the idea probably sounded so stupid to an adult, but instead the older actually exited his safe space and lead donghyuck to another room, probably to the parents` because of the big bed that obviously was meant for two people found its place near a wall.

Sicheng opened the wardrobe and pulled out a few blankets on the lighter side and turned back to the younger, setting the soft cloth onto his arms.

❝I think you can take the pillows from the living room, we don't have spare ones like that.❞

❝aah, that's alright!❞ donghyuck replied fast, already pleased with the blankets he was able to use.

❝also, thank you.❞ sicheng started, getting hyuck`s attention and a seemingly confused face,❝I don't think anyone has come over late at night to make me feel better, renjun is lucky to have you.❞

And with those words sicheng left donghyuck by himself, the blankets piled on his two arms. Though the younger really wanted to disagree with sicheng, but obviously there wouldn't be any point in that. It's just that he wished renjun never got hurt in the first place. If he could've done one thing, it would be paying more attention to the chinese and preventing either of them from falling in love with na jaemin, because now, the crush seems like the biggest waste of time he had ever encountered. 

Life would have been so much easier if it just never happened. That neither of them ever had a wave of negativity and hopelessness wash over them that lead them leaving a silhouette of fear lingering around the empty space in their hearts. A fear of what would happen after tonight, in the morning and the next nights and mornings. It was definitely something that won't leave soon, they probably won't be able to face neither jaemin or jisung anymore, without a deep wounding pain striking that is. Though donghyuck knew for sure that with renjun he was able to overcome the fear, and perhaps during that renjun starts to feel better as well.


	3. the comfort

When donghyuck got back into renjun`s room, the other laid under the blanket, making it unable for hyuck to make out where the head or where the feet could be. Donghyuk`s heart melted at the sight. He couldn't be sure if renjun was okay as the other hid himself so well, almost if he purposely decided to disappear from the earth's grounds.

❝renjun? May I steal your pillows and blanket for a bit? Also do you still have those Christmas lights that you had hanging over your bed last year?❞ hyuck asked one question after another, after he started to arrange the chairs in renjun`s room.

The Chinese peeked out from his safe space and looked at his friend with brows furrowed, clear confusion written on his face. ❝yeah? What do you want to do with them though?❞

Donghyuck stopped what he was doing, looked at renjun which ended up as admiring- the other's hair had become messy, yet it made the smaller’s appearance much more softer, and smiled with a slight tease. ❝that will be a surprise. I think you'll like it.❞

And so renjun got up from his bed and pulled out a tiny box of Christmas lights from his desk drawer while donghyuck put a few blankets on the floor among some pillows and started putting chair around so that the lighter blankets could be set on to them to make a ceiling. 

Renjun then started to understand what donghyuck attempted to make. He thought of going up to the korean and help him a little, but since it was supposed to be a surprise, he decided to sit on his bed and watch as his friend placed last of the pillows and blankets inside the fort. The last thing to do was setting up the lights, which donghyuck had no problems with, and as the red, green and yellow lights flickered around, the whole masterpiece adorned renjun`s sight.

Donghyuck walked up to renjun, holding out his hand, almost as if asking a royalty to a dance at the ball: ❝would you like to see your castle from the inside?❞

Renjun smiled lightly, setting his hand on the other's and stood up,❝i would love to,❞ he answered.

It was enough for donghyuck to break into a smile as well. Only god knew how happy it made hyuck feel seeing renjun smile after such a mess the evening had been, the tears hadn't even have time to dry, but in the light of the colors it made the chinese`s eyes look like they were tiny crystals, shining and glimmering.

They entered the blanket covered heaven and renjun didn't hesitate to cling onto donghyuck. The roof hung low, so both males had to either half sit or lay down, which concluded renjun to lay his head on donghyuck`s lap, while the latter rested his upper body on some pillows.

They both were silent. Neither of them knew what to say, but words weren't needed anyway, it was the comfort both males desired and craved, which they received as well.

Donghyuck gently brushed his fingers through the other's brown locks, mostly because of how addicting it felt. Renjun closed his eyes each time hyuck made a longer stroke, then leaned in when another round was coming.

❝you know, hyuck. Love is suicide.❞ renjun made the silence break into small pieces, although they were no longer deafening, donghyuck still felt the tension in his chest form as if the crushed pieces forced in.

❝hm?❞

❝Love's gonna get you killed, but pride's gonna be the death of you.❞

Donghyuck`s eyes shined, mostly from fear and confusion. Never would have he thought that he'd hear something like that come out from renjun`s mouth. The boy had always been unpredictable, but things like such never happened to leave his mouth, anything death and love related that is. 

❝what do you mean by that?❞ hyuck asked.

Renjun moved the Korean`s hand from his forehead and sat up, looking straight into the doe eyes.

❝jaemin`s nonexistent love killed us right? But as the people we are, we just let all the emotions get to us, which announces us dead. Hyuck, we died today.❞ 

No, renjun was in the process of dying, but he kept being too stubborn to admit it to himself. One fraction of his pride proceeded to kill his worth, his mind and the renjun he once was.

The tears that broke through screamed the unfortunate truth, and donghyuck understood. He pulled renjun to his embrace, the body shaking and twitching as small weeps slipped through one's lips. Donghyuck worked his magic of petting the other again and started singing quietly. ❛crave you❜ happened to be a song that renjun often played during class or lunch through his earbuds, probably for calming purposes. It was one of renjun’s favourite songs, so donghyuck hoped that it would bring a bit of positivity to one's heart.

❝this probably sounds quite bad, but I sometimes wish you were my crush instead. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so bad, would be spared of seeing anyone at school and fearing the pain my heart would feel. I probably even made yukhei feel bad because of my mood. I didn't tell him goodbye or a thank you when he walked me home.❞ renjun squeezed tighter into donghyuck’s embrace, possibly to avoid a judgemental gaze.

❝injun, i'm sure he'll understand, and there's plenty of time to apologise.❞ hyuck answered, but staying mum about him being renjun`s crush. For some reason when renjun said that, he felt as if the strings of his heart were pulled, and not so gently either. Plastic wrapped itself around hyuck’s heart, almost making him cry, too.

❝how are we supposed to face jaemin and jisung tomorrow though? We're not going to get much sleep either...❞

❝we could skip classes.❞

❝I don't know how my parents would feel about that. ❞

❝aah true, my brother probably wouldn't mind. If anything he wouldn't let me go to school like that.❞

It was renjun’s turn to have his eyes filled with worry. He was so caught up with his own problems and feelings without noticing that his friend’s heart had cracked into two.

❝you had a break down too?❞

❝yeah, but im feeling a lot better after staying with johnny and his boyfriend. That's why I came to you, maybe you won't feel so bad by the morning.❞ donghyuck panicked, he really didn't want renjun to feel even worse than he already did, and god had heard his thoughts, giving an instant idea:

❝though, would you like to go on a walk? It snowed when I came over, we could make a snowman in your backyard.❞

Renjuns eyes filled with life, wide from excitement, hugging donghyuck tight.

❝yes! I would love to! I should leave a note for sicheng though, in case he comes to check up on us.❞

The both of them crawled out from the pillow fort and the chinese went to take a piece of paper to write a small notice for his brother. Donghyuck watched but didn't quite understand, since the text was in chinese and chinese he could not read.

As the other was busy scribbling characters on the piece of paper, donghyuck noticed his quite flimsy clothing. Although the sweater was meant for winters, it certainly did not equal to a coat, neither did it warm his fingers.

❝would you have some kind of a jacket for me, or a pair of gloves? I didn't think of that when I came here.❞

Renjun looked up and nodded, also becoming aware of hyuck`s lack of warmth.

❝i`m sure i do. Just wait a moment.❞

And so donghyuck did. As renjun exited the room to place the note somewhere noticeable, he sat down on renjun`s bed and looked around a bit. For some reason the polaroid of their friend group hanging on thread above the mirror caught his eye, mostly because the shiny material that reflected back the colorful lights. 

Donghyuck was surprised that renjun hadn't taken down ones that had jaemin or jisung on since the sight of them really seemed to scare the chinese. And for a moment hyuck thought about taking them down, but he knew that it wouldn't have made a difference, at some point renjun had to face his fear nonetheless.


	4. the realisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck realises his true feelings under the streetlight.

❝here are your mittens.❞

Renjun put the wool onto hyucks hands, while talking about what and whose coat hyuck could possibly occupy.

❝i could find an older one that I've owned before, but some autumn/summer jackets are also an option, but since sicheng isn't going anywhere, you could use his as well.❞ he smiled, mostly from the excitement of being outside while it's snowing after midnight. Everything simply proceeded to get better and better.

❝you can give me his coat, yeah, then we're not wasting more time.❞ hyuck replied, secretly recovering from the small gesture of renjun putting on gloves for him. He couldn't be sure, but there was a chance he had blushed as his face felt a little hotter than usual.

The pair exited the room and rushed downstairs, ready to start having their winter wonderland adventure. 

Donghyuck wished the moment and emotions that came with it would last forever, so that he could forever ever see renjun so full of life. Hyuck himself was happy to see renjun wanting to live on, experiencing the miracles of snow and three am escapades. 

They hurried on their shoes and headed to the backyard, both amazed by the amount of snow that had fallen just within an hour.

❝donghyuck! We could make so many snow angels and snowmen!❞

Renjun opened his mouth and tilted his head to face the sky. Tongue out, he tried to catch some of the cotton that was falling from the sky. And when he did get a cold flake he smiled from satisfaction. 

Donghyuck just watched. Renjun`s eyes were still a little swollen, yet he looked like he was at peace with himself, almost happy. The scenery of the other catching glitter on his tongue with such joy written all over his face made hyuck`s chest warm, his heart calmed down and for the night he knew they could share the specks of happiness together.

So he left the reminders that they're broken inside behind, and took a hold of renjun`s hand, pulling him towards the carpet of snow. 

❝well artist huang, how should we do it?❞ he was still holding Renjun`s hand, and honestly, he didn't really want to let go either. 

The older pretended to think, or perhaps he did deeply consider all the possibilities of making a custom snowman. Renjun then came out of his heavy thinking and spoke about his wondrous idea.

❝we could actually make the groke. She's from the moomins. It would fit, since she freezes things around her and so.❞

Donghyuck shrugged, completely fine with the idea, and he would have said a certain yes if only he knew what renjun was talking about.

❝i don't know what she looks like though?❞

❝i have my phone, we can easily just look up pictures.❞ renjun already took off one of his gloves and fished for his phone in his pocket.

And so they began searching for a good picture of the said character on renjun’s phone. The other's bare fingers started to get cold from tapping on the screen and scrolling, so hyuck warmed them up by blowing warm air onto them.

As they found a decent picture they got to work. The pair started off by piling snow to make a hill, and pressed the snow for a firm surface. If donghyuck was being honest, then he had to admit that renjun did most of the work when it came to making the groke look as she's supposed to. Renjuns hands went over the nose shape and hands so nicely as if he was sculpting an ancient Greek statue instead. Though the problem came around when they needed to make her eyes and smile. 

❝i could use paints,❞ renjun suggested, ❝but it's a pity, she's actually dark herself but snow is completely white.❞

❝i think it's alright, it gives her some originality.❞

Renjun nodded at that, hyuck was right. And she did look scarier with black teeth and eyes. He made sure that it would be the scariest thing sicheng would see as soon as he wakes up and looks out his window.

All the hard work aside, they had lots of fun making the creature. Donghyuck made a mental note to distract renjun as much as possible, throwing snowballs at him and sometimes even gently pushing the other with his hips, making it war all around the back yard.

The snow melted against their clothes and some was probably even inside their shoes wetting their socks. They both ran around, threw the balls of cotton at each other and sometimes even yelled some nonsense that neither of them understood. 

When they felt very tired donghyuck suggested going on a walk, the stars weren't visible neither was the moon, but they both knew the beauty of the orange street lights glowing on white snow, while all the surroundings were dark blue.

When playing around their gloves got wet to the point they did not provide their hands warmth, if anything they made their fingers freeze. So they left the gloves somewhere in the snow and held each other's hands instead while keeping the vacant limbs in their pockets. 

The white flakes didn't stop falling from the sky, if anything they kept on knitting the carpet that laid softly on the ground. Even the bike lines from before were almost gone, but their shoes created new patterns, showing the world that someone was still awake.

They enjoyed their time in silence, obvious fatigue taking over them, yet they just didn't want their night to end and for the next to start, while of course, the new day began a few hours ago. 

Their breaths created smoke in the air that streetlights painted yellow and orange, and they stood under it, looking at each other with innocent smiles. Both of their faces were red from running and constantly moving in the cold, sweat also glimmering slightly on their skin. Their hair was messy, strands standing out and bangs covering their foreheads. The pair felt amazing though, especially after everything that they went through earlier. 

Donghyuck simply wanted to hold onto renjun`s hand forever, to warm it and to show how much he cares. The feelings that burst in his chest like fireworks made him wonder if he ever loved jaemin, maybe it had been renjun from the start, and he was just jealous that his crush likes someone else. He didn't know, and less could he be sure, but all hyuck could take in were the pieces he was given to put back together. 

But he was mentally elsewhere.

The lips that carried the smile and the rosy cheeks and nose made hyuck want to kiss renjun, to shower him with all his known touches and encouraging whispers. Because what donghyuck knew for sure was that he was capable of loving the other like there was no tomorrow, and maybe that very moment was a hint that he had a chance to do so some day in the future. 

Hyuck hoped it would come soon.


End file.
